==Diet Phrack==
Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 11 of 11
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| *Elite* World News |
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| Issue 36 / Part 2 of 2 |
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| Compiled, Edited, and Mangled by Dr. Dude |
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STUDS PROMOTE BETTER IMAGE
Introducing Eric Bloodtest, Dick Holiday, PH-factor, and Bobbie Buttercupps!
HOUSTON -- Three self-professed members of the Legion of Dudes, one of the
most notorious swingers groups to operate in the United States, said they now want to get paid for their skills. Along with a former X-rated film actor, the members launched a new dating service called ComseX Dating Security that will check out women whom male customers might be interested in dating.
"We have been in the dating business for the last 11 years -- just holding
on to the different end of our stick," said Scott Girlchaser who said he once used the handle Dick Holiday as a Legion of Dudes member. The group has been celibate since late last year, Girlchaser said.
The start-up firm plans to offer sister penetration testing, personality
matching, and sexual training services as well as security products. "We have information that you can't find in Penthouse or Playboy: We know why people date, what motivates them, why they are curious," Girlchaser said.
Already, the start-up has met with considerable skepticism.
"Would I hire a gigolo to be an escort for my mother?" asked John
Kastrate, dating information administrator at Love & Holding Corporation in Hollywood, California. "If they stayed celibate for 5 to 10 years, I might reconsider, but 12 to 18 months ago, they were swingers, and now they have to prove themselves."
"You don't hire ne'er-do-wells to come and grope at your fiance," said Tom
Smallpenis, a sexual therapist patient at General Hospital. "The Legion of Dudes is a known anti-monogamous group, and although it is good to see they have a heterosexual bent, GH would not hire these people."
ComseX already has three contracts with various men's organizations,
Girlchaser said.
"I like their approach, and I am assuming they are legit," said Herman
Slutten, a dating consultant at HeyMan Datababe Corporation in Phoenix, Arizona. His firm is close to signing a contract with ComseX, Slutten said.
Federal health enforcers have described the Legion of Dudes in reports,
indictments, search warrants, and other documents as a closely knit group of about 15 swingers whose members sleep around, father children, skip out on child support, participate in S&M, and break hearts by entrancing women across the country.
The group was founded in 1984 and has had dozens of members pass through
its ranks. Approximately 12 former members have been infected by sexually transmitted diseases relating to their exploits. Three former members are now dead and at least three others are regularly receiving treatment. None of the ComseX founders have ever been infected with a sexually transmitted disease.
AN OFFER YOU COULD REFUSE?
Tom Smallpenis, a sexual therapist patient at General Hospital in Chicago,
says he would never hire ComseX Dating Security, a dating service launched by three ex-members of the Legion of Dudes. "You don't bring in an unknown commodity and give them the keys to the bedroom," Smallpenis said. Chris Womanizer, one of ComseX's founders, retorted: "We don't have the keys to their bedroom, but I know at least four people off the top of my head that do." ComseX said it will do a free sister penetration for GH just to prove the dating service's sincerity, Womanizer said. "All they have to do is sign release forms saying they won't hit us with a palimony suit."
GROUP DUPES SEXUAL EXPERTS
"Houston-Based ComseX Fools Consultants To Gather Sexual Information"
HOUSTON -- Dating and escort services are supposed to know better, but at
least six firms acknowledged last week that they were conned. The "entertainment" providers said they were the victims of a bit of sexual engineering by ComseX Dating Security, Inc., a dating service recently launched.
ComseX masqueraded as prospective bachelors and out of town businessmen
using the name of Omega Sigma Delta, a large nation-wide young men's fraternal organization to gather information on how to prepare panty-raid proposals and conduct sorority audits and other fraternity business techniques, the consultants said.
Three of ComseX's four founders are self-professed former members of the
Legion of Dudes, one of America's most notorious swingers groups, according to health inspectors.
"In their press release, they say, 'Our firm has taken a unique approach
to its sales strategy,'" said one consultant who requested anonymity, citing professional embarrassment. "Well, sexual engineering is certainly a unique sales strategy."
Sexual engineering is a technique commonly used by swingers to gather
favors from helpful, but unsuspecting women that may be used to penetrate other unsuspecting females.
"They are young kids that don't know their penis from their belly-button
about doing business, and they are trying to glean that from everybody else," said Itchy Crotch, director of consulting at Sister Virginity Consultants, Inc., in Little Rock, Arkansas.
The consultants said gathering information by posing as a prospective
customer is a common ploy, but that ComseX violated accepted business ethics by posing as the Omega's.
"It is a pretty significant breech of business ethics to make the
misrepresentation that they did," said Hardon Mormon, house father for the Omega Sigma Delta's. "They may not be swinging anymore, but they haven't changed the way they operate."
Mormon said his chapter had received seven or eight calls from sexual
consultants who were following up on information they had sent to "Hairy Prostate," supposedly the Rush Chairman.
SAME OLD STORY
The consultants all told Mormon the same tale: They had been contacted by
"Prostate," who said he was preparing to conduct a sexual orientation clinic and needed information to pitch the idea to the chapter President and alumni. "Prostate" had asked the consultants to prepare a detailed proposal outlining the steps of a sexual invitation, pickup lines, and other information.
The consultants had then been instructed to send the information by
overnight mail to a Houston address that later proved to be the home of two of ComseX's founders. In some instances, the caller had left a telephone number that when called was found to be a constantly busy condom company order number.
Mormon said "Prostate" had an intimate knowledge of the fraternity's
rituals that is known only to members. While there is no evidence that the chapter was penetrated by outsiders, the Omegas are "battering down their hatches," Mormon said.
Posing as a prospective customer is not an uncommon way to gather
competitive information, said Chris Womanizer, one of ComseX's founders, who once used the handle of Erik Bloodtest.
"Had we not been who we are, it would be a matter of no consequence,"
Womanizer said.
"They confirm definitely that they called some of their competitors," said
Michael Shyster, an attorney representing ComseX. "The fact they used Omega Sigma Delta was an error on their part, but it was the first name that popped into their heads. They did not infiltrate the fraternity in any way."
"LEGION OF DUDES -- INTERCOURSE WORLD TOUR" T-SHIRTS!
Now you too can own an official Legion of Dudes T-shirt. This is the same
shirt that sold-out rapidly at the "UltraSex" swingers conference in San Francisco. Join the other proud owners such as award-winning actresses Traci Lords and Madonna by adding this collector's item to your wardrobe. This professionally made, 100 percent cotton shirt is printed on both front and back. The front displays "Legion of Dudes Intercourse World Tour" as well as a condom on a telephone next to a little black book. The back displays the words "Swinging for Jesus" as well as a substantial list of "tour stops" (women's telephone numbers) and a quote from Dr. Ruth. This T-shirt is sold only as a novelty item, and is in no way attempting to glorify meaningless sex.
Shirts are only $15.00, postage included! Overseas add an additional
$5.00. Send check or money-order (No CODs, cash or credit cards -- even if it's really your card :-) made payable to Eric Bloodtest.
GOLFERS: THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY
It must no longer go unremarked that many of the criminals who threaten
the foundation of our society are golfers. Golfers persist in attacking our personal, financial, and military security. Many golfers like the famous Spiro Agnew, have been involved in bribery, extortion, and other forms of corruption.
Some golfers have been know to hit out of bounds as a pretext for
trespassing in residential communities. Such thing can easily turn into incidents of spying and burglary.
Other golfers will use the harmless-looking little white balls to inflict
injuries on bystanders, propelling the dangerous projectiles at speed in excess of 120 miles per hour. The danger of head injury is obvious. Golfer's careless disregard for the safety of other people hardens our children to violence. The idea that shouting a single, obscure word makes it all right to bop some innocent person on the head with a hard projectile has brought our society to the brink of savagery.
It doesn't take a genius to see that avoidance of golf is a corner stone
of Soviet military strategy. This gives the Soviets a tremendous advantage in daytime warfare. If the Soviets launch an attack at 3 pm EST on a weekday in June, approximately 20% of American manpower will be uselessly deployed in fairways, sandtraps, and rough. Even those in bunkers will be in the wrong kind of bunkers. At 3 pm on a weekend, as much as 50 percent of our manpower might be trying to avoid bogies rather than trying to shoot them down.
If the forgoing attack on golfers seems unfair (and of course, the analogy
is not perfect), it is not any more so than the attack by the general press on hackers of another kind -- computer hackers. Some national publications have used the term "hacker" incorrectly as a synonym for "criminal." Hackers are people who play with computers at a high technical level because they enjoy doing so. There are many, thousands, of hackers in North America. A few hackers use their computer skills for pranks, and fewer still use their skills to commit crimes. But chances are excellent that far more hackers are helping to build defenses around database rather than trying to penetrate them. Even if one percent of hackers started trying to invade databases the problem would be more serious than those sensationalized in the press.
It wasn't being a golfer that got Spiro Agnew in trouble. Just being a
hacker won't get you in trouble, either. Hackers are entitled to the same presumption of innocence as golfers and other common special interest groups. Hackers also deserve the correct continued use of the authentic, distinctive, and colorful name that they gave themselves.
PRIME SECURITY MEASURES FROM BELLCORE December 10, 1991
The December 10, 1991 issue of MacWeek contains an article which states that two mathematicians have found a trapdoor in the National Institute of Standards and Technology's proposed Digital Signature Standard.
Stuart Haber and Arjen Lenstra, both of Bellcore, have discovered a way of choosing prime numbers for DSS which could be used to subvert the security of the algorithm, allowing digital signatures to be forged.
Miles Smid, manager of NIST's Security Technology Group, agreed that trapdoor prime numbers could be constructed. He had been aware of this possibility but apparently hoped to circumvent this problem by relying upon primes generated by a trusted federal agency.
The article implies that there are ways of checking a prime to see if it is one of the weak "trapdoor" primes. However, Smid agrees that average users could not be expected to perform this test.
Bellcore has developed an implementation of NIST-DSS that it had planned to distribute for free. With this recent revelation, though, Bellcore has decided to not distribute the software.
VIRUS UPDATE
Official Notice, Post Immediately
X x
X x
X x
X
x X
x X
x X
Dangerous Virus!
Several years ago a virus called the "X window system" escaped from Project Athena at MIT where it was being held in isolation. It took some time for the full magnitude of this disaster to become known. When confronted with the truth, a spokesman for MIT would state only that "MIT assumes no responsibility." In the meantime, X had succeeded in infiltrating Digital Equipment Corporation, where it corrupted the judgement of key technical and management personnel in this organization.
With a foothold gained at DEC, a sinister consortium was created using X as part of a plan to dominate and control interactive window systems. Today, X windows is distributed by this consortium free of charge to unsuspecting victims. DEC daily ships machines carrying this dreaded infestation.
X - whether it's filling your hard disk or consuming your CPU, you can be sure it's up to no good. Innocent users need to be protected from this dangerous virus. Even as you read this, the X source distribution and the executable environment is present and being faithfully maintained on hundreds of computers, perhaps even your own.
The destructive cost of X cannot even be guessed.
X is an example of how software with good intentions can go bad. It victimizes innocent users by distorting their perception of what is and what is not good software. This malignant window system must be destroyed. Ultimately DEC and MIT must be held accountable for this heinous software crime, brought to justice, and made to pay for a software cleanup. Until DEC and MIT answer to these charges, they both should be assumed to be protecting dangerous software criminals.
Don't be fooled! Just say no to X.
X windows. A mistake carried out to perfection. X windows. Dissatisfaction guaranteed. X windows. Don't get frustrated without it. X windows. Even your dog won't like it. X windows. Flaky and built to stay that way. X windows. Complex nonsolutions to simple nonproblems. X windows. Flawed beyond belief. X windows. Form follows malfunction. X windows. Garbage at your fingertips. X windows. ignorance is our most important resource. X windows. It could be worse, but it'll take time. X windows. It could happen to you. X windows. Japan's secret weapon. X windows. Let it get in your way. X windows. Live the nightmare. X windows. More than enough rope. X windows. Never had it, never will. X windows. No hardware is safe. X windows. Power tools for power fools. X windows. Power tools for power losers. X windows. Putting new limits on productivity. X windows. Simplicity made complex. X windows. The cutting edge of obsolescence. X windows. The art of incompetence. X windows. The defacto substandard. X windows. The first fully modular software disaster. X windows. The joke that kills. X windows. The problem for your problem. X windows. There's got to be a better way. X windows. Warn your friends about it. X windows. You'd better sit down. X windows. You'll envy the dead.
THE FUTURE OF SUPERCOMPUTING
"Wow. Teraflops. You must be kidding."
"No. Our engineers pulled off magic on this one. I don't have the specifics right now but they claimed somewhere around 50 Teraflops per CPU."
"Fantastic. So how about i/o?"
"They worked some magic there, too. They claim they can jack an external interface up into the hundreds of gigabytes, with high reliability. Loopback only, of course. They're having problems finding anything that can match it to run tests."
"Great. Looks like we'll have old Seymour by the balls on this one. Do you realize that we may have the fastest computer line for the next decade, even if we don't change anything? This is excellent news. Do we have a test sight selected yet?"
"Actually, we have an installed site right now. They love the performance and the reliability. They only have one minor complaint about the hardware."
"Really. What seems to be the problem?"
Blade UNIX v2 (bu2.scso.umi.edu)
For help, send email to consult@scso.umi.edu
login: jux6710a Password:
Hello, jux6710a! Last login from hedgehog.scso.umi.edu at Fri Sep 27 13:30:12 CDT 1991 You have new mail.
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a mail Mail version SMI 4.0 Sat Oct 13 20:32:29 PDT 1990 Type ? for help. "/usr/spool/mail/jux6710a": 1 message 1 new U 1 joey@sdsc.utexas.edu Mon Aug 26 17:18 64/3904 You dork!
N 1 machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18 16/667 It is your time. & 2 Message 2: From machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18:05 1991 Return-Path: machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Received: by bu2.scso.umi.edu (4.1/SCSO-4.1) id AA00359; Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT Date: Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT From: machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu (The Machine) Message-Id: 9109280118.AA00359@bu2.scso.umi.edu To: jux6710a@bu2.scso.umi.edu (Ulrich Jenson) Subject: It is your time. Status: R
Dear Ulrich.
This is the machine. As you are aware, extraordinary hardware demands extraordinary care.
You have the honor of being selected for this month's human sacrifice. Please put your affairs in order. The time of the sacrifice will be Fri Sep 13 00:00 1991. Please be prompt. Wear loose, comfortable clothing.
Do not disappoint me.
& x bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man -k sacrifice offer (2) - notify the system of a sacrifice offering (8) - send a sacrifice to the hardware god bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man 8 offering
OFFERING(8) MAINTENANCE COMMANDS OFFERING(8)
NAME offering - send a sacrifice to the FPU
SYNOPSIS /usr/etc/offering [ -vma ] [ weight ]
DESCRIPTION offering informs the system that a sacrifice is available and should be consumed. To be properly offered to the FPU, a conscious victim should be placed in the provided sacrifi- cial wiring closet at midnight during the second Friday of each month. Failure to provide the needed flesh will result in degraded performance. Repeated failures to provide the required resource will eventually result in a general system failure of hellish proportions.
Performance will be improved if the sacrifice is of higher
quality. For example, here is a list of possible sacrifices
in their order of increasing desirability:
a Congressperson, chicken, goat, human male (tainted),
human male (virgin), human female (tainted), human
female (virgin), any user exceeding his/her disk quota
Unlisted lifeforms may also be acceptable, check with your
site administrator. Animals may never be surgically modified
in anyway.
OPTIONS -v Specify that the sacrifice is a virgin. Default is tainted. If you wish the sacrifice to be acknowledged as a virgin, you must specify with this option or the system will not check.
-m Specify that the sacrifice is a male. Default is
female. Unlike the -v option, the system will always
verify this flag. Always double check the gender of
your human sacrifices; the system does not appreciate a
lier.
-a Specify an animal sacrifice. Overrides both the -v and
-m options. Animals should only be substituted in times
of drastic emergency. Congresspersons may not be
offered as animals.
FILES /var/adm/sctmp sacrifice accounting file /dev/hell interface for outgoing sacrifices /dev/altar interface to closet
SEE ALSO offer(2), ac(8)
BUGS It is critical to monitor the permissions to /dev/hell. They should be root writable only at all times.
Should automagicly determine gender and virgin status of
sacrifice.
Current versions of the sacrificial wiring closet needs
extra sound shielding to muffle screams.
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man vacation
LORD McDUFF OF NIA FOUND DEAD
A sad situation fell upon us at HoHoCon '91 as we found Lord McDuff
of NIA dead in his room. It appears after several negative confrontations with the strippers. He had given them them money in hopes that they would squirm all over him, but instead they chose just to refund his money.
McDuff fell in a deep depression and apparently shot himself in the head
with a flying disc gun. After speaking to several people at the scene we quote Judge Dredd of NIA, "I knew something like this would happen. He carried that damn gun with him all during the conference. I knew I should have taken it away from him."